Last night, upon finding his pillow much fluffier than usual, Dave turned to me and said, “Amanda, I am generally confused.” I knew he really meant “I am genuinely confused,” but I think there’s more truth in the first statement. He is generally confused. And so Blog You in the Schnoz was born out of necessity: the necessity to prove to Dave that he is wrong a lot more often than he thinks he is.
The man has a deadly combination of two traits: an overactive imagination and serious conviction. Thus, his thought process is usually as follows: imagine an idea, begin to believe in the idea despite its legitimacy, and then argue it until he is so convinced and the other person is so tired of arguing that he leaves every argument thinking he’s right.
Ladies and gentleman, it is time to prove Dave wrong for once and for all. This pattern of him walking away from every argument believing he is right is starting to get dangerous.
His ideas began slowly and innocently. Things like “Lady Madonna” is the best Beatles song. That ketchup doesn’t go with everything salty and savory (which it absolutely does).
But I fear the progression of his condition. He has been toying with the idea of inventing “toilet pants.” And the other day I couldn’t even convince him that populating New Jersey with tumbleweeds was a bad idea. I had to distract him with ice cream.
It’s best just to nip this in the bud, and to do so in a public way. Dave, please prepare to be blogged in the schnoz.
No comments:
Post a Comment